Connection
by Starr
Summary: AU where Luke was raised by his father and meets Leia during ANH--changed the ending a bit


Author's note: I'm writing this on the premise that Luke is a beacon of light—that he is basically a manifestation of the light side of the force itself. I explain it a little better in the story, but don't jump on the whole "Luke doesn't seem very dark in this story" bandwagon before you finish. Star Wars belongs to George Lucas, don't reprint without my permission, and this takes place during ANH, before Alderaan goes up.

Luke Vader sat in his room, reading battle plans for an attack on a supposed rebel supply line. It was sad, really, the unnecessary deaths. But he couldn't tell his father that. He had learned long ago not to question his father, especially where the rebels were concerned. The rebels. They were making quite a show of bravery. If only they would listen. His father wanted the same thing they wanted-an end to the destruction, an age of order. They just didn't understand. They preferred to listen to preachers of peace, who denounced the Empire as evil. 

His father was with one such preacher now, interrogating her on the location of the Death Star plans. Once, when he was around 13, he had complained that the torture of others hurt him. His father had told him to stop complaining, to shut it out. 'Others do not matter,' he had said. 'They are insignificant, next to people with power like ours.' And shut it out he had. Slowly, he had learned to view the people receiving the torture as beneath him. They must have done something to deserve it, anyhow. Slowly, he had learned to ignore the nightmares, the pointing fingers, the endless screaming. He had learned to forget. Sometimes, late at night, he wondered if things could have been different. If, maybe, if his father hadn't been hurt, if he would have been more understanding. If he could have been sure that his father still loved him. If only…

He was resuming his study of the plans when he felt a jabbing pain in his arm. He frowned and started to roll up his sleeve, when agony slammed into him like a wall. Gasping, he fell onto the bed, trying to resume control of his nerves, but the pain was too intense. It felt like he had been thrown alive into a pit of flames. The world around him swam and blurred, and suddenly, he was somewhere else, somewhere unfamiliar. His father stood over him, speaking angrily. He didn't understand the words, but with every sentence, the pain increased tenfold, until he thought he would surely die from it. Behind his father, a black droid floated in the air, humming menacingly. Through the haze of suffering, a realization came: this wasn't happening to him, but to the rebel his father was torturing. With a supreme effort, he began to build mental shields, but soon found it was impossible. The girl in the cell was pouring her grief and pain to him full force. He simply shut down, falling into a faint, blessed with the ability to do so, unlike the rebel, who was kept awake by the drugs coursing through her system.

He woke up with his father standing over him. Try as he might, he could sense no worry from the Dark Lord. Vader's mind was totally closed. Luke sat up, trying to clear his head, but had to lie down again when the dizziness threatened to overwhelm him. 

"Wha...what happened?"

"I thought you could tell me that," his father said. "I was with the girl, when I felt a burst of pain from you, and you blacked out. I found you passed out on your bed, totally unresponsive. I had to draw you out mentally."

"How is she?" he asked urgently.

"The Princess? She's doing better now, I assume. I had her sent to medical to be treated and prepared for another session."

"So she didn't tell you anything."

"She's surprisingly strong. I couldn't even feel her pain. I worry that if I try harsher methods, I'll kill her."

"You can't!"

"And why is that?" Vader snapped, surprised at his son's outburst.

"I…It was horrible. I felt every bit of it. I know you've told me to shut them out, and I do, but it was different this time. It was intense. I tried shielding it, but I couldn't."

"But that's impossible. The girl isn't a sender."

"Maybe not, but she was sending to me."

"It's ridiculous to think that she's your lifemate," Vader mused, "but the two of you must be linked somehow. Perhaps you can locate the plans for us..." And Luke had the distinct feeling, one he had possessed many times before, that could he see his father's face, he would be smiling slyly. 

Luke stood nervously outside the princess' cell, shifting from foot to foot. He wanted desperately to succeed, to win his father's approval for something, but also to help the princess. He knew they couldn't release her, of course, but maybe he could help her somehow. He palmed the release for the door and stood waiting.

Leia looked up at the man in the doorway. He was small, yet obviously muscular, his black clothing accenting his sandy hair and piercing blue eyes. For some reason, she wasn't afraid. He even seemed...familiar, somehow.

"May I help you?" she asked, mock serious.

"Oh-uh...may I come in?" He seemed flustered. 

"Well, now it doesn't really matter, does it? You'll do it anyway."

Ok, Luke. Keep talking. Move along. "I'm Luke Vader. I'm here to-"

"I know who you are," she cut him off. "I remember you from my presentation as senator to the Emperor."

"That's right. I remember that." He smiled as he entered and sat. "Your aunts seemed to think I was the most eligible bachelor in the galaxy. They kept trying to make me dance with you, but my father wouldn't allow it."

"Wouldn't allow you to dance?" Leia asked incredulously.

"No, he let me dance. Just not with you."

"I see. And of course, you obey your father's commands without questions."

"Wouldn't you? I mean, look at him."

"Like his command for you to come 'interrogate' me so he wouldn't have to dirty his hands?"

"What? Oh...no! I would never do that! I couldn't. I tried to make him stop last time, but it was too hard."

"Oh really. You tried to make him stop." 

"I had to. It was awful. I could feel every bit of it, and when I woke up, I couldn't believe what he had done. I didn't know anything could hurt so badly."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"You were sending to me somehow. I could see through your eyes. It was like we were the same person."

"But that can't be. Without the Force, I could only send to—"

"Someone in a conscious link with you, a relative, or a lifemate."

"So, it's impossible, then."

"I know it seems ridiculous, but it really did happen. Somehow."

"Ok. So, since we're 'linked', somehow, Vader sent you in here to pick my thoughts apart. Is that why you're here?"

"No! Well…he wanted me to, but I couldn't."

"Oh. I see. You couldn't. The son of Vader can't do a simple mind link. The Emperor must be very disappointed in you. It's a wonder he's kept you around this long."

"I could if I wanted to," Luke said pointedly. "But I don't."

"How do I know you're not doing it right now?" She retorted.

"You would know if I was. Your shields are incredible. Father couldn't even break through them."

"I'm flattered, really." She said dryly.

"I'm serious!" he snapped. Leia looked up, surprised at his fervor, at the earnest tone to his voice.

"Look, what do you want from me?" she said, suddenly sounding tired, the layer of ice gone. "I won't tell you where the plans are. I won't tell you where the base is. If you're going to kill me, just do it. You'll get nothing from me."

Luke sat on the bench next to her. "I just want to help you."

Leia laughed derisively. "You want to help me?"

"I do. Really. Look, I can't make them release you, but maybe I can get you an actual room or something. I can definitely keep you alive. You just have to tell me where the base is." His voice was gentle, not like his father's at all.

"I can't tell you. I can't betray their trust in me. And besides, even if you keep them from terminating me, what kind of life would I have here? An eternity of staring at these four walls? I don't think so."

He was silent for a moment. "It's no worse than spending your entire life in Imperial Center." The silence continued. "You really value your freedom, don't you?"

"More than anything. But not just mine, the whole galaxy's. The Empire is trying to take their freedom away. That's why I fight, and that's why I can't tell you anything."

"Some are, but my father isn't. He wants to end the war and bring order to the galaxy."

"Are you kidding?!? Vader's the worst one out there. He and his Emperor have killed more men than you can count!"

"Because they didn't understand. They thought that they were the ones who were right. They thought my father was evil and—"

"Isn't he? Is killing all the Jedi alright? Is torturing me excusable? I still don't understand that little 'bring order to the galaxy' thing, so is killing me an acceptable solution?"

Luke looked at the floor in despair, struggling to bring some order to his tumultuous emotions. "What can I say, Leia? It's the way I was raised, I guess. I was taught never to question him, or the Emperor. If I did, I was punished."

It was Leia's turn to be quiet now, pondering. "I can't imagine what it must have been like for you, being raised here."

"It wasn't easy, I can tell you that. I can remember, when I was very young, I was sure he loved me. He was gone a lot, but when he was there, we spent lots of time together and it was wonderful. But then he was…hurt in a battle and started wearing his armor. After that…he was gone a lot more, and he never spoke to me, except when he was teaching me. I would ask him questions, and he wouldn't answer. I told him once that when people were interrogated, it hurt me, and he told me it was my fault for letting them. I needed to be above their pain, because it shouldn't matter to me. I think…I think the Emperor always worried about us being to close. I remember once when I was about seven, the woman who took care of me had just been dismissed, and I heard the Emperor say to my Father that now that it was just him raising me, he had to be careful not to get too fond of me. Affection was a weakness, and he couldn't tolerate weakness in his Empire. It scared me, and I think it made Father very angry. The next time he left was the time he got hurt." Luke took a deep breath, making a confession he had never even dared to conciencly think before. "Sometimes…sometimes I think the Emporer knew the mask would keep us apart. I've always wondered if there was some other way to heal Father's wounds. Sometimes, I miss him" He whispered.

"What about your mother?"

"I don't know. I asked about her once, and there was an explosion. He was so angry, I thought he was going to kill me. He was yelling about how I shouldn't be asking such things, saying that I was too young to understand and that I was never to speak of her again. He was breaking things with the Force, chairs flying and papers falling off desks. I was terrified. Then, he stopped suddenly, and grabbed my arm and looked at me and said "You must be careful never to get to close to anyone, my son. Life will only take them away from you." Then he left. That was the only time he ever hurt me. Well, physically, at least." 

"I'm sorry," Leia said softly. "My mother died when I was very young. I have almost no memory of her. I do remember how beautiful she was, though."

"I know my mother was beautiful. She must have been. And she was very smart, and kind. I dream about her sometimes, I think. It's hard to remember, but I can see her crying. There's a man there, an older man carrying another child in his arms. That's all I can ever remember, but when I see her crying, I know that she loves me." His voice was soft and trembling. Leia put her small hand on top of his. "It's not something I can ever talk about, or even think about. Nothing I do is safe, really. The Emperor and my father know my feelings, sometimes even better than I do. It's become much easier for me to hide them, though. I don't think he knows what I'm telling you right now. I hope he doesn't" Luke winced at the thought of the punishment he would receive if his father found out anything of their conversation. Turning in response to Leia's questioning look, he said, "I've felt the Emperor's lighting more times than I can remember. Each time, I'll think 'This is it. He's going to kill me this time.' He could whenever he wants to. I don't think he will, though. He expects me to be more powerful than my father anyway. I know he threatens to kill me all the time though, to make my father more obedient. He doesn't do a lot of what he does willingly, you know."

"Oh, really?" Leia said sarcastically.

"You are so close-minded, you know that?"

"Well, you're a little biased. He _is_ your father."

"So are you! He's holding you prisoner, that can't make you like him too much!"

"I don't! I hate him! I hate the Emperor! I hate the Empire! I hate it all." She shouted.

"You hated me, didn't you? I'll bet you still hate me."

"That's different!"

"How?" He asked pointedly. "How is it different?"

Leia squirmed on the bench. She didn't like where this line of questioning was going. And yet, at the same time, she couldn't bring herself to abandon it—Luke's eyes were just so intense. "It…it just is!" He kept staring at her, willing her to speak more. "I mean…I don't know. Maybe it's because I've talked to you. Or because you're my age. I don't know. But I don't hate you." Tentatively, she took his hand. They were very pale. How much of his life had he spent confined? "I don't think I could hate you."

"Leia," Luke whispered. He seemed on the brink of tears. "I have to go. This is getting dangerous. I'm sorry."

"But—"

"No! Please. I can't."

And he rushed out.

It was a long time before Leia could sleep that night.

His father was waiting for him when he got back to his room. No time to control his thoughts, blast it!

"Well?" Vader intoned solemnly.

"Well what?" Luke snapped back.

"You know exactly what I mean."

"Do I? It's not like I can read your thoughts. It's not like I've been able to do that in ages!"

"Luke…" Vader would have sighed, had his respirator let him. He had no time for the boy's childish tantrums now. "We can deal with this after you tell me what the girl said."

"No."

"No?" It was the first time his son had openly defied him. Oh, he'd fought with him before, but Vader could feel something different behind this, something angrier, a little bitterer than before. This was potent. "Son, stop acting like a spoiled child and do your duty. You need to grow up. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life tagging at my heels."

"I'd love to!" Luke exploded. "I want to stay with you. I don't want to sit alone in here going over plans that I know have already been finalized. I don't want to fly endless simulator tests. I don't want to stay cooped up in Imperial Center with the Emperor. I want to stay with you, and I want to _do_ something! I want to talk to you again. I want to know you love me! Is that so much?"

The Dark Lord was stunned. He'd known his silence and cool composure had effected his son, but he'd had no idea how much. Slowly, awkwardly, he reached out and brushed the lone tear off Luke's cheek. "My child…you know I love you. I do. And I wish I could show you and take you with me, but—"

"You won't," Luke finished darkly.

"That's not it. I can't."

"Why not?"

"You know. I'm not supposed to love you. You're supposed to be a tool for me, and a rival. Not a son. And the Emperor wants you for himself too, as a weapon."

"I hate him. I don't want to be his weapon anymore!"

"Control yourself," Vader snapped. "He'll notice."

"I'm sorry."

"Someday soon, my son. Maybe as soon as we crush the Rebellion, we'll destroy him. Together, we will restore order to the galaxy."

"But there will be other Rebellions," Luke said thoughtfully. "Rather than wiping them out, we need to be working with them."

"You're running on the edge of treason, child."

"Father," Luke smiled, "you're planning on killing Palpatine. I think you've crossed that line."

"Point taken. What do you suggest?"

"I don't know. Can you kill the Emperor yourself?"

Vader was silent for a moment. "Why? Where would you be?"

"I could…I could join the Rebels."

"What? Luke, no! I forbid it!"

"No, Father, you don't understand!"

"I understand treachery!" he yelled, drawing his lightsaber.

"It's not treachery!" Luke cried, backing away. His father had never drawn on him in anger before.

"Then what is it?"

"If you would just let me finish…" he took a deep breath. The energy of their combined angers was growing strong and potentially dangerous. He made an effort to disperse it. "I wouldn't be a traitor. I guess I could be a spy of sorts. That way, they could learn to trust me. And when the war is over, I can be a part of the negotiations with you. That way, we can be the winners."

"I don't like it." But he did put his lightsaber down, which was certainly a plus.

"Well, of course you don't, but it makes sense. Le—the princess trusts me. We can work together. It makes much more sense considering both the cost of lives and the money and supplies involved than trying to just wipe them out. And…it would get me away for awhile. Away from the Emperor."

"But I know you too well, my son. You're a sensitive child, despite Palpatine's best efforts. You'll become friends with these people, because they'll show you the affection I've withheld, and you won't want to betray their trust in you, not even for me. I don't want to lose you."

"You won't lose me, Father." Luke put his hand on his father's. "They don't know you the way I do. They won't understand. But they will someday. I'll make them understand."

Vader was silent, considering. "It's dangerous. But you're right. It would throw Palpatine off enough for me to move in on him. But I can't kill him myself."

"Capture me. Wait until I've worked my way in, then bring me before him. He'll be so excited about either killing me or you that he won't pay any attention to what's really going on."

Vader looked at his son silently. He was so young, a mere eighteen year old, but he couldn't keep him forever. If he tried, Palpatine would destroy everything Vader loved about him: his spirit, his humor, his easy smile. He had raised a powerful son, a just one, one who would not fail him. He was everything Anakin Skywalker could have been. "Very well. But you can't just waltz in there as Luke Vader and expect to be accepted. If anyone finds out who you really are, I trust you can lie well enough to convince them of your sincerity. You certainly don't look like the child of a Dark Lord—that works in your favor, of course. But to protect yourself, you're going to change your name."

"Change it? But—"

"When I was injured, I changed my name as a symbol of allegiance to Palpatine. It was for you, really. I had to show him that I was separating myself from the Jedi and my old life. As if this suit and mask weren't enough," he spat bitterly. "I wouldn't want to be there when he finds you've not only defected, but taken my old name."

"Father, I hadn't thought of that. Won't he punish you?"

"Maybe. Probably. Better me than you, though. You must be cautious. He may ask me to kill you as another test of loyalty, but he may send out assassins. I'll protect you any way I can, but it will be dangerous for you."

"I'm not afraid. You've taught me well. But, my name?"

"My former name was Anakin Skywalker. You may tell people he was your father, that I killed him if you wish. Your name will be Luke Skywalker."

"Luke Skywalker." It felt right, almost more right than Luke Vader. Skywalker…it seemed almost prophetic. He'd always felt he was born to roam. He smiled at his father. "I like it."

"Don't get too attached to it," his father warned. "Now, you must go. It has to be done now."

"Now? But Father—"

"I'm sorry. I know it's extreme, but this can't seem planned."

"I know. Well," he cracked a shaky smile. "I guess this is it." Luke looked down at his boots shyly. "I'll miss you."

Abruptly, Vader grabbed his son and embraced him fiercely. "I shouldn't have wasted all those years. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I understand," Luke whispered as he let himself be protected in his father's strong embrace once more. "Father? Could I still…could I still talk to you when I want to?"

"Any time, my precious son. I won't deny you any more."

"I love you, Father."

"And I love you, Luke. Now go."

Luke walked slowly to the door of his chambers, looking around, trying to memorize every detail. He looked at his father, knowing that he wasn't really leaving him, not really. He smiled once, bravely, and left.

Princess Leia stretched out on the bench of her cell, trying in vain to find a more comfortable position to sleep in, when the door slid open. Luke came in, his face flushed and his eyes wild with excitement. Before she could say anything, he spoke in a hurried tone.

"I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you."

"What?"

"We're getting out of here." He took her hand and helped her out of the cell. "There's no time to explain right now. Just trust me." Winking, he began to march her down the corridor. 

"Luke, what's going on?" Leia whispered.

"I'll tell you as soon as we're away. Right now, I'm not Luke. I'm Lord Vader's assistant and I'm taking you to the Emperor." He smiled reassuringly. "At least, that's what everyone will think if they ask me."

They continued through the maze of hallways and turbolifts, with Luke keeping what looked like an iron grip on her arm. She kept her head up and tried to look defiant, although inwardly she was beyond confused. Surprisingly enough, despite the odd looks they got, no one stopped them. Finally, they arrived in a hangar. 

"There should be a shuttle on the other side of that freighter."

"If you can call it that," Leia whispered back. They started to march forward, when they noticed a commotion from the other side of the bay. A man and a wookie charged towards the freighter, followed closely by two droids. "My R2 unit!" Leia cried, breaking away from him and running towards it. "Come on, Luke!"

Knowing whatever illusion they had was up, Luke threw caution to the wind and followed her. He skidded to a halt, however, as he sensed a disturbance in the distance. Across the way he saw his father in a lightsaber battle with an old man…was it a Jedi? Was his father in danger? He couldn't abandon him now, but if he didn't, he would lose his only chance to get away. He heard Leia calling his name from the ramp of the freighter, when his father's voice entered his thoughts.

'Run, Luke, run! I'll be fine." As if to prove his point, his father struck down the Jedi, whose body disappeared instantly. Luke's reverie was broken and he ran to the ship. As soon as he was onboard, it blasted its way out of the hangar and into space. Luke stumbled into the lounge and dropped into a gravity couch, stunned over what he had just seen. 

"Are you alright?" Leia asked softly.

"I didn't want to leave him like that. He might have been in danger."

"I think he did fine," Leia said tersely. "That man was General Kenobi, a hero of the Clone Wars."

"General Kenobi?" Luke smiled softly. Finally, the circle was complete. Maybe now, his father could really begin to heal. "Years ago, my father was a different man. He didn't wear that suit; he didn't wear the mask. His name was Anakin Skywalker. He was strong and kind and gentle and handsome and a wonderful father. Then, General Kenobi tried to kidnap me and my father fought him. Kenobi pushed him into a pool of molten lava and left him there." His voice hardened with anger and bitterness. "That's when he changed his name and started wearing the suit. He deserved what he got."
    
    Leia was silent for a moment. "Luke, I know leaving him will be hard for you. But I have to know that you can really commit to the Rebellion before I take you there. We can't afford to have you betray us, whether accidentally or not, because you feel guilty about leaving your father."

He took her hands and looked into her eyes, hoping he was a good enough liar to pull this off. "Leia, he lied to me."

"What?"

"He raised me, but he's not my father. I found that out moments before I got you. My real father was a Jedi named Anakin Skywalker. When I was an infant, my father—I mean, Vader killed him and took me as his son." He averted his eyes in what looked like despair. "I couldn't stay with him knowing that." 

"Oh, Luke…" she breathed softly, radiating sympthy.

His eyes, shining, looked back into Leia's. "I still love him—he raised me well, but I don't believe in the Empire enough to stay without any reason.

She smiled at him. "Welcome aboard, then."She smiled at him. "Welcome aboard, then."

End of chapter one. There's a chapter two sitting somewhere, I just can't find it now. I'll update really soon, I promise.


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